The air grew thick and heavy with moisture, as if breathing wasn’t already taxing enough.
Lightning flared and thunder cracked before me, like an ominous alarm sounding off as a courtesy: Ye be warned–seek shelter.
Then, as if the electric bolt had pierced through the heart of the sky itself, the dense, looming clouds burst open and unburdened themselves upon the earth below.
This all happened around me, while I simply–existed.
I just…stood there, rain soaked–paralyzed. My hair clung to my dirt-ridden face, and the torn, battle weary tunic I donned became even more misshapen under the weight of the downpour.
The rage of the breaking storm didn’t phase me for a moment. I didn’t jump at the sound of thunder, nor blink at the flash that set the sky ablaze just before my eyes. I hardly noticed the intermittent tapping from above, picking up the pace moment after moment, as it made contact with the exposed surfaces of my bare skin.
Everything moved and swelled and fell down around me. Me, a statue in my empty state of stillness. I was plaster...marble...stone. Like the clouds above, so desperate to rid themselves of any excess mass, all I felt at that moment was heavy.
While my body remained motionless, my mind ran in circles. I reckon it might have attempted to flee from my physical being, were it not securely caged by my skull. What consumed my every thought was the inescapable fact that I stood there a complete and utter failure.
And, in trying to fathom my futile, wasted efforts, I wished I could melt right into the earth with the falling rain. Wished the weight of my now soaked-thru clothes could push me deep into the dampening soil until I just disappeared entirely. Then, I too could just move past this gods-forsaken place and become simply unburdened.
I stared blankly into the wall of droplets now fervently filling in any open space around me. If only I had seen this coming–trained harder, planned more wisely. But like the storm that was now upon me, which put a damper on my physical visibility, I had let the eagerness of my naïveté cloud my view of how things really stood before coming here: entirely stacked against me.
But despite my best intentions, they just weren't enough to see me through. What's more, I had the cold hard revelation that there's no going back after you've lived through something like this. It's a point of no return to the innocence I once knew in my younger days. The notion of do what's right, and good will win the day. A lesson learned the hard way shall not be easily forgotten.
I would have to work harder, smarter and leave little to chance or luck. There was no room for error in a fight like this. There wasn't a place for the naïve faith that things would work out just because you had somewhat of a plan and noble ambition on your side.
Those childhood illusions now faded into the mist that arose, created by the swirling ground fog now silently creeping in.
Speaking of childish delusion, I eventually came to terms with the fact that, no matter how hard I wished, there was also no melting into the earth or sinking deep enough to disappear into the soil. I had to get up and keep searching, keep planning, keep fighting...eventually.
Exhausted, I allowed myself a moment to lie down in the mud and let the warm rain pour over me for a little while longer. There was no washing away what had already happened. But, at some point, I convinced myself, that somehow, the rain could cleanse me deeply enough that I'd be able to get up,
and go at it all again.
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